Missing it. Ode to my Ameri-family.

Withdrawals.
By now I should know how to deal. I should be moving on. Closing that scrap book. Changing lanes. Moving up the ladder rung.
Nope.
I still have deep welled up emotion. When I ponder the 10 months spent with like-minded social servants, of many backgrounds and perspectives, I stop dead in my mental tracks. No tears. No expression. Pure pondery. I am deeply half.

Half deeply saddened that it all ended.
Half deeply grateful that it happened to me, around me, with me, through me.

For 23-n-1/2 years no existence of you was known to me. But now, there is acknowledgement. You cannot erase yourself from me. You are ingrained. Death grips. I will always think of how you answered that question, replied that snide remark, got excited about something, smiled at someone, or watched you work your ass off...for pennies in your pocket. You made me better. You make me better. We might be miles and miles away from each other but your essence is with me always.

Time will pass. Seasons will change. People will come and go. New experiences. New jobs. New places we'll call home for awhile. (We're transients c'mon!) New adventures. New programs.
The chemistry we all shared will never be repeated. The family that I found in you...words cannot explain. I will always care deeply for you.

Familiar songs will play--I stop in my tracks.
Sayings, puns, insiders and catch phrases--I stop.
Logos, stores, special food, 12-passenger vans, govie plates, and other things I didn't notice before January 29, 2008--I now notice.

And I love it. I love what happened in 2008. My life has been expanded. My heart is more full.

I got nothing but love for you playas!