Furry emotions.

We like to claim things. Our jobs. Our homes. Our vehicles. Our towns. Our clothing. Our food. Our friends, lovers and spouses. We lay claim to everything in our path. We even try to claim our emotions. We try to define them and name them. We try to deconstruct them or a situation around them, also constructing just the same. It's weird. We grapple for control. We loose our grip and make believe something we catch on the fall down is what it is, what we want it to be. We are so caught up in meanings and answers and outcomes that we don't sit. We don't sit still in the mess, the distraction, or the ill-emotion. We hampster-wheel race situations into meaning. We suck dry. Use up. Destroy any situation of it's rare, unique, unpredictable and mysterious qualities.
I was thumbing through some old pictures. Of my travels. Of the wonderful people I've met over the past two-and-a-half years. Of the ones I've lived alongside. Some reflect only moments shared, others, the story is still unfolding. As I was standing there, a slight smile came to my minds eye but was accompanied with an impressive amount of sadness. Missing. Yearning. I want that back. (But why, I HAD it, I ask myself.) As I was trying to mentally jump the hurdle of this blockaded thought, companioned with an emotion or two, I realized what I was feeling was not sadness at all. Honestly, it was probably a mixture of happiness, joy and gratefulness. I was overcome with a graciousness that I had met and experienced what I experienced. It kinda reminds me of eating a dessert that is so sweet and rich you can't eat it all. Such sweet and rich experiences they were. So sweet that it caused me to call it by a wrong name....and even call it something at all. Emotions are so multifaceted. They are 3-dimensional and full of complexities. I don't want to be so quick to spout out my interpretation of what I'm feeling, I want to be good at sitting in the uncertainty of life.